Getting married does not switch off human instincts

When the Ashley Madison story was in the news, the headline story was all about privacy and email address exposure. Whilst it seems inconceivable that anyone in their right mind would sign up for such a site using an identifiable email address, we can't help but wonder why so many people are so unhappy in their relationships that they feel the need to cheat on their partner. Having said that, we do have a theory....

We have all heard of the expression that, "all is fair in love and war." This alludes to the very facts of human nature that our strongest natural urges are to survive and reproduce. Fortunately, most of us rarely have to test our survival instincts on a day to day basis but not a day goes by where we do not interact with members of the opposite sex - at work, in the gym and in fact anytime that we are outside the safe confined walls of our homes. Finding someone of the opposite sex attractive is a perfectly natural instinct, we are genetically programmed to react in such a way. This does not mean that we want to mate and reproduce with everyone that we find attractive but the attraction certainly does stem from that deep rooted genetic programming.

Getting married to someone does not miraculously stop our natural urges, how can it possibly do so? Unfortunately, religious directives as well as society at large seem to think that getting married will stop these urges and as a result many couples feel simply unable to talk about the issue because in doing so, it actually questions the concept of marriage as it is accepted in our society. The media has a great deal to answer for in perpetuating the myth that once married a person, male or female should suddenly be able to switch off their genetic programming. It can't happen and the result is that we have millions of marriages in this country where one partner or the other (or both) are having extra marital affairs simply to satisfy their natural urges and all because they feel unable to talk to each other for fear of questioning the validity of their marriage/relationship. How bizarre that a person can feel that having a sexual relationship outside of the marriage is OK but talking about the urges that might lead to it (and prevent it) is still taboo.

Communication is the most important part of any relationship and we would like to see society in general adopt a more open acceptance that people will always find other people attractive. Marriage does not stop this happening, because it can't. Better that couples talk about it, if it does arise in their marriage and better that society accepts that we are all simply human beings.

As a final note to anyone who is in a relationship who is cheating and who is reading this... Talk to your partner; don't cheat on them because ultimately there is nothing more pleasurable than having all your life's adventures shared with your other half. Why on earth would you want to have sex with someone alone when you and your partner could share and enjoy the experience together?

The Swingrs Team.
@swingrs